


To Hold and Be Held

by ButterfliesonIce



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber
Genre: Angst, Blood, Flashbacks, M/M, Not Beta Read, Open to Interpretation, So much angst, Tuggoffelees Could Be Read As Romantic or Platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 03:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30116532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterfliesonIce/pseuds/ButterfliesonIce
Summary: Immediately, Tugger's paw tightly grasps onto his own before Mistoffelees is slammed into a soft chest, emitting a small gasp of surprise. The hold on his paw is then quickly released in favor of two longer arms wrapping around his body.Paralyzed by shock, Mistoffelees doesn’t return the gesture. After a few seconds or so, the larger cat lets go. Desolate golden eyes looking straight into wide blue, one of Tugger’s paws manage to snake its way up to the magical cat’s neck, cupping it in a gentle grip.Mistoffelees feels his breath hitch when Tugger closes his eyes and gently presses his forehead against the smaller cat’s, causing the his eyes to widen.
Relationships: Mr. Mistoffelees & Rum Tum Tugger (Cats), Mr. Mistoffelees and Everyone- mentioned, Mr. Mistoffelees/Rum Tum Tugger (Cats)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	To Hold and Be Held

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: MENTIONS OF BLOOD, GRIEF, AND POSSIBLE CHARACTER DEATH. If you are sensitive to any of this, please read with caution. This is also a very angsty fic so don't say you weren't warned.
> 
> That being said, I've been working on this for a while, so I hope you enjoy it :)

Something is off in the Junkyard.

Mr. Mistoffelees can’t place exactly what, but he knows that there is.

In terms of appearance, the entire yard seems to be completely deserted, not a single Jellicle to be heard or seen. Even from the remote place where Mistoffelees’ den lays, he should at least be able to hear the footsteps and voices of the Junkyard’s residents. Yet, as he strains his ears trying to find them, there is nothing.

But that’s not the only strange thing. 

Somehow, in a way that Mistoffelees couldn’t precisely explain, a thick somber air hangs heavily over the territory. A sharp contrast to the usually light and jocular aura which normally fills out the Junkyard.

Why though?

Meanwhile, something pulls at the back of Mistoffelees’s head. Kind of like a feeling that something will happen, but the Tuxedo doesn’t know what.

Feeling only a little unnerved, Mistoffelees stretches out before leaving his den to find some of the Jellicles. Surely, they can explain what’s going on.

Mistoffelees checks in on the den of Jennyanydots. If anyone could inform him of what’s going on and simultaneously calm his nerves, it would be her.

Much to his surprise however, she isn’t there.

Strange… Jennyanydots is nothing if not punctual. And as of this late in the night, she should definitely be here. 

Did something happen perhaps? A small hint of worry claws at his chest as Mistoffelees thinks of the possibilities of why Jenny wouldn’t be here.

Oh, this is silly. Mistoffelees internally rolls his eyes at himself. He’s getting himself on edge for no reason. Jenny is probably just out collecting and training mice or helping with the kittens. How much time does she really spend in her den when she’s not tending to an injured cat anyway?

Shaking his head at himself, Mistoffelees exits her den and continues his search. There are plenty other cats in the Junkyard, he’s sure to find _someone_.

An hour passes, and Mistoffelees starts getting worried again. At this time in the night, this place should be crawling with Jellicle cats.

So where are they?

At some point, Mistoffelees tries using magic to try tracking down some of the Jellicles, only to find that he’s run completely dry. It’s a bit concerning, regarding the fact that he doesn’t know what exactly he _did_ to drain himself, but it’s nothing to fuss over. 

Sighing, Mistoffelees continues walking, determined to find _someone_ when suddenly the most putrid smell makes its way up his nose.

Scrunching up his face, Mistoffelees can’t help but grimace as he catches sight of the source.

Only a couple of yards away, a large but sickly rat lays lifeless on the side of a junkpile. Right in its scraggly chest, a blackened scorch mark makes itself visible.

Mistoffelees stares at it for a while, unable to take his eyes off the disgusting thing.

There’s just… something about this rat. Something familiar perhaps?

Suddenly, he blinks. How long had he been standing there?

Taking one last glance at the fallen rat, Mistoffelees turns away and continues his mission.

He doesn’t get very far, however. Several meters up, the magical cat catches wind of a certain scent that immediately has his fur on end.

It’s not an extremely familiar scent, no. It’s not even that strong. But it’s rust-copper tinge is unmistakable and Mistoffelees feels a sudden small stab of fear as he quickly processes the smell.

It’s blood. And judging by how far it is, a lot of it. Far too much for the owner to be alright.

Suddenly his feet are moving at neck breaking speed.

Quickly, he follows the scent as it slowly becomes stronger and stronger to the point that his eyes nearly water. Finally, he’s at the origin and a sudden queasiness stirs in his stomach as he stares down at the large area of blood-stained dirt on the ground.

The blood isn’t fresh, but it’s not old either. It’s probably been there a day at most.

Faintly, he can feel the pull again. He ignores it.

Feeling sick to his stomach, Mistoffelees forces himself to take another inhale, determined to find out who the blood belongs to or at the very east figure out who was here.

It’s not much use though. The thick coppery scent mostly overpowers much of the surrounding aromas. All Mistoffelees can determine is that there were around… two- no, three… yes, definitely three cats here.

Who they are, on the other hand, their scents are too faint to tell. 

Frowning slightly, Mistoffelees carefully makes his way around the stain, suddenly feeling much more anxious than before.

He should find Munkustrap.

Lifting his head up to the air, Mistoffelees takes a couple of short sniffs to try detecting where the Junkyard Protector is.

Much to his frustration, he comes up empty. Groaning, Mistoffelees starts walking again; driven to find _somebody,_ (although Munkustrap is still preferable).

And then **finally** , after another half hour of searching, he catches a scent. It’s vague and far, but it’s _there_ and he _recognizes_ it.

Had he not been so perturbed, Mistoffelees could have whooped with joy.

Quickly, he follows Munkustrap’s scent. As he gets closer, he picks up more scents belonging to more Jellicle cats.

At last, after another twenty-five minutes of tracking, he reaches his destination. A sigh of relief makes its way past his mouth as he feels the tension in his muscles melt.

They’re all there. Every single one of them is there. Even Skimbleshanks, who usually isn’t here at this time.

But… something’s wrong? As Mistoffelees starts to absorb the actual scene, he feels anxiety rise back up in his chest.

The somber aura from earlier… whatever it was back in his den was nothing compared to what it is now.

Unsurprisingly, most of the cats lay together soundly sleeping. But the ones that are awake, he feels his heart break at the sight.

Jenny and Skimbleshanks sit next to each other, their sides touching. Jenny has her head right beneath Skimble’s, a deep look of sorrow in her eyes as she nuzzles into his chest, the latter in return hiding his face into her fur. It’s strange, seeing the normally jocular cats in such a state.

On the other side, Munkustrap is holding a sleeping Victoria between his paws as he looks down at her sadly. Demeter and Bombalurina are by his side, Demeter leaning her head against his shoulder with glassy eyes while Bombalurina looks at the white queen in a mix of pity and sorrow. To the side, Mistoffelees sees Plato briefly open his eyes to give a sad glance over at Victoria before closing his eyes again.

Suddenly, Mistoffelees feels his lungs take a sharp inhale of air as his eyes wander to the far back corner of the area.

Sitting on an old tire, Rum Tum Tugger looks listlessly ahead. On his side, Etcetera nuzzles her cheek into his stomach in what seems to be an attempt of comfort. Absentmindedly, Tuggers paws pet her head in light strokes as the young kitten visibly starts to drift off, her eyes stubbornly fluttering from open to shut.

“T-Tugger?” Mistoffelees hears himself whisper. The _‘are you okay’_ doesn’t come out. It’s a dumb question, he knows that. His friend isn’t okay. In fact, Mistoffelees doesn’t think anyone right now is ‘okay’.

Unsurprisingly, the Maine Coon doesn’t hear him.

Slowly, Mistoffelees makes his way over to where Tugger is sitting. As he gets closer, the tuxedo can’t help but feel his heart break at how… empty Tuggers eyes are as they stare straight ahead, seemingly unaware of Mistoffelees approaching him.

It’s unnerving.

“Tugger what happened?” Mistoffelees says again.

The Maine Coon says nothing, he doesn’t even react. He simply continues to stare emotionlessly ahead. The young tom feels his eyes widen slightly, unused to this kind of response (or rather lack of it).

“Tugger?” Mistoffelees paw hesitantly reaches out to grasp his friend’s shoulder.

He doesn’t even move.

Slowly, Mistoffelees moves in front of the Maine Coon, looking directly into his open but unseeing eyes.

What is going on with him?

Taking a deep breath, Mistoffelees grabs at Tuggers other shoulder. He gently tries to shake him out of it, but the larger tom doesn’t budge. Frowning, Mistoffelees puts a little more force in his attempted shaking, but Tugger remains unmovable.

“Tugger come on.” Mistoffelees whispers, trying a third time. “Snap out of it.” the words come out pleadingly, much more so than the Tuxedo would have liked but for once he doesn’t care.

It doesn’t take much longer for Mistoffelees to realize that it’s no use. Whatever state his friend is in, he can’t get him out of it.

Sighing, Mistoffelees shakes his head solemnly. Looking again at Tugger’s impassive eyes, Mistoffelees briefly squeezes his friend’s shoulder. A light solace courses through his body at the contact.

Too soon it’s over and Mistoffelees pulls away. Glancing at his unresponsive friend one more time, he turns around and walks back toward where the other cats are.

“Munkustrap?” He calls out to the still awake tom, quickly running up to him “what happened?”

To his immense surprise, the grey tom doesn’t answer or even acknowledge he’s there.

_What?_

That is… strange.

“Munk?” he moves closer. “Munkustrap?”

No response whatsoever. Something is definitely off. Munkustrap would _never_ purposely ignore someone as blatantly as he is now. It’s not in his nature.

Feeling a new fear rise, Mistoffelees turns to the other two queens who… also haven’t addressed his existence. Demeter has fallen asleep and Bombalurina just lays with her head in between her paws as she looks out to the distance.

“Bomba?”

She too doesn’t answer or acknowledge him.

Hesitantly, Mistoffelees reaches a paw out to touch her shoulder, which-to his immediate dread- she doesn’t react to. He tries shaking her, but like with Tugger, she doesn’t budge or even move.

“Jenny? Skimble?” The magic cat rushes over to the older cats. They had both finally decided to lay down with Skimble resting his head between his paws while Jenny propped her own onto his shoulders, using them as a pillow of sorts. Though they’re both still awake, neither of them address Mistoffelees either.

Slowly, the tuxedo tom takes deep breaths as he fights the quickly rising panic in his chest.

Something is wrong. Something is so _very_ wrong. Jenny and Skimble would never ignore him like this, neither would Munkustrap or Bombalurina for that matter. And they certainly aren’t _so_ heavy that Mistoffelees couldn’t move them at least a little.

It’s like he… oh no.

Oh Everlasting Cat no.

Mistoffelees turns his attention to one more cat.

Quickly, he crawls over to where Victoria is sleeping. Taking a deep, calming breath, he tries shaking her awake.

She doesn’t move.

She’s a small cat! Maybe a little larger than himself but still relatively small! She _should_ be moving or even waking up under his attempted touch. But she’s not.

Finally, the panic takes a full, painful grip in his chest as he looks around at the group of cats around him. They’re all there but… it’s like he’s not.

But how is that possible? He’s right here isn’t he?

Isn’t he?!

Mistoffelees wants to scream, to tell them to just _look at him_ but he can’t. He just… he can’t!

Somehow, despite being a fairly open area the junk manages to close in on him, limiting his ability to breathe and suddenly he _’s_ suffocating a _nd Everlasting he can’t breathe-_

Suddenly he’s running. He has no clue where his paws are taking him, but he doesn’t really care right now. There’s only one thing consuming his mind and it’s to _get out of there._

Finally, after running for who knows how long, his feet come to a stop as Mistoffelees pants heavily. Once his head clears up and he can breathe again, Mistoffelees takes in his surroundings.

Thankfully, he’s still in the Junkyard. Which part, on the other hand; he doesn’t know.

Taking a small sniff in the air, Mistoffelees feels himself cringe at the foul scent. Oh… suddenly he knows exactly where he is. Looking down, he feels his eyes widen in recognition as he sighs.

He’s back to the blood spot.

Frowning, he feels the mental pull again. Scratching his ears, Mistoffelees huffs.

Why, of all places did he have to wind up here? Shaking his head for like the tenth time that night, Mistoffelees forces his mind to compose itself.

Alright, so he’s here, but somehow the other cats can’t see or feel him. Why?

Well, the obvious answer was that he accidentally messed up a magic spell. But then again, he can’t even imagine a spell that would have these kinds of results.

Okay, so what is the last spell he remembers casting?

Taking a moment to think back, Mistoffelees snaps his fingers in remembrance. He had been practicing his magic, trying to see what else he could do. This mostly extended to what he could conjure out of thin air and what color he could make his sparkles, but he was perhaps trying for something bigger…? Distantly, Mistoffelees does remember attempting a larger trick but what it was comes up blank.

“ _There you go, keep your eyes open!”_

Whipping his head up, Mistoffelees extends his claws.

“Who’s there?”  
  
To his frustration, he’s met with silence.

Slowly, he retracts his claws as he feels his form relax.

“ _Come now Misto… you can do it. Just keep your eyes on me”_

Wait… he recognizes that voice.

“Tugger?”

Nobody answers.

He must be going crazy.

“ _You have to stay awake!”_

This time, Mistoffelees whips his head over to where the sound is coming from.

Only to have his eyes land on the blood-stained area.

“ _Just another minute, alright_?”

That’s…odd.

Could it possibly…?

Hesitantly, Mistoffelees walks over to the blood-stained ground. Kneeling in the clean dirt, the tuxedo cat takes a deep breath before reaching his paw out to make contact with the dark substance….

oOo

_There had been an attack. Somehow, Macavity’s forces managed to get past the security and started going after the cats and kittens who had been there._

_There had been no warning, no indication that Macavity would strike that day. But then again, there wouldn’t be. The Hidden Paw was unpredictable at best, leaving no one to ever know when or where he would storm next._

_This particular fight had gotten quite ugly. The rats had been vicious and the Henchcats had fought with such a rabid force that even some of the best fighters in the Junkyard had struggled to hold their ground._

_Mistoffelees himself had been unfortunate enough to be ambushed by a certainly nasty group while he was alone practicing his magic. He had done his best to use it in subduing them, but there had been so many, and they had been so persistent that having powers wasn’t as big an advantage as one may believe._

_A yowl of pain ripped through his throat as a rat got in a sharp bite through his inner thigh. Quickly recovering, Mistoffelees blasted a bright flash of lightening towards the offending creature, forcing it to let go as its smoking body flew across the Junkyard._

_Confidence blooming throughout his body, Mistoffelees felt the electricity crackling at the tips of his paws as he faced the rest of his opponents, lips peeling in a threating hiss. Slowly, both parties circled around each other, menacing glares on both sides as they waited for the other to attack._

_Before either one could make the first move however, the remaining adversaries had suddenly stopped, and lifted their heads to a sound only they could hear._

_A second or two later, they had retreated, scurrying out the Junkyard as quickly as their legs could carry them. Mistoffelees watched them, stone faced but still alert until they disappeared completely from sight._

_That was… odd._

_Sighing, he felt the adrenaline slowly leave him. With a grunt, the small cat straightened himself up before preparing to rejoin the group. He was only able to move forward a couple of feet before he got an odd feeling that something was wrong._

_Suddenly, a strange dizzy sensation had overcome him. Mistoffelees felt himself take a short gasp as he lost his footing and fell, wincing when his head hit the hard ground._

_Blinking blearily, Mistoffelees stared up at the sky as his brain caught up with what had happened. He felt… unexpectedly tired._

_Grunting as he sat himself up, Mistoffelees cringed as his eyes focused to his leg. Although he couldn’t see the wound, he could see the blood spreading from it in a pungent puddle. Oh Everlasting Cat, was it supposed to be coming out that fast?_

_Groaning, Mistoffelees summoned the will to make himself stand up. Moving himself onto his stomach, the young tom forced his legs to support his weight as he stood. To his displeasure, they shook slightly, making it harder to keep balance._

_He needed find someone about this. Instantly, his mind went to Jenny. Jenny is good with injuries; she’d find fix it._

_Steeling his resolve, Mistoffelees made his way over to where he was sure the most commotion had taken place. He had only gotten a few feet in when suddenly the dizziness intensified, forcing him to drop back down as he rubbed at his now intensely pounding head._

_Something… something definitely wasn’t right. He had to find Jenny and he had to find her **now**. Taking a deep breath, Mistoffelees braced himself to get up only to quickly realize that that wasn’t happening. His body was growing increasingly clammy, and his head was throbbing way too much for him to stay on his feet without the risk of falling or even passing out._

_Groaning, Mistoffelees resorted to another option. With a pained moan, the Conjuring Cat dragged himself over to the nearest junkpile. Propping himself up as he leaned uncomfortably against that pile of trash, Mistoffelees summoned a little bit of his magic._

_If he couldn’t come to the other cats, they could come to him._

_“Misto? Wha’ ah you doin’ over ere’?”_

_Said cat nearly sighed of relief at the familiar voice. Turning his head ever so slightly, Mistoffelees had never been happier to see the mischievous cat._

_“Can’t walk,” was all Misto could really say. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth._

_Hesitantly, the calico approached. Immediately, his eyes went down to Mistoffelees leg and judging by Jerrie’s face, it may have been more serious than Mistoffelees previously thought._

_“Yer sure bleedn’ a lot there. Tha’ doesn’t look very good.” Jerrie sounded a bit unsure and even a bit ill._

_Okay, that was concerning._

_Shaking his head, Mistoffelees looked up at the other cat pleadingly. “Could you get Jenny? Please?”_

_Mungojerrie didn’t respond as his eyes stayed glued to Mistoffelees leg._

_Oh, Mistoffelees hoped he wouldn’t throw up._

_“Jerrie!”_

_Said cat blinked, and suddenly he was back._

_“R-right!” he swallowed thickly, “I’ll go get ‘er.”_

_“Jerrie!” a new -but still familiar- voice exclaimed. Instantly recognizing the voice, Mistoffelees instinctively sat up a little straighter. “There you are! Teazer’s been looking-” the voice abruptly stopped and Mistoffelees was suddenly staring up at the face of a very shocked Munkustrap._

_They stayed like that for a second, nobody moving or blinking, just standing there in absolute silence._

_Then the second was up and Munkustrap snapped out of it._

_“Everlasting!” with that small shout, the grey cat rushed over with more speed than Mistoffelees thought possible. The cat was in his face in an instant and before Mistoffelees could fully soak up what was happening, Munkustrap’s paws were gripping onto his arms as the older cat rapidly scanned his body._

_“Where is it?” he whispered, his eyes doing a double take as they quickly roamed across the Tuxedo’s form. “Misto!”_

_The other tom gave a little start. “Huh?”_

_“The wound! Where is it?!” Munkustrap’s voice was borderline frantic._

_Mistoffelees cocked his head to the side, trying to get a better look at Munkustrap’s face. “M-my leg,” he stuttered, “Why?”_

_Immediately, the grey cat’s paws left his shoulders and quickly went down to his legs, causing said cat to scoot down a good distance from Mistoffelees’ head.. The younger cat let out a pained yell as Munkustrap’s paws roughly gripped the injury, stony paws pressing a harsh force that spiked throughout Mistoffelees’ entire leg._

_Under his breath, Munkustrap released a small curse. “Sorry.” he said softly, face twisted in anguish as he looked up at the younger cat._

_Immediately feeling guilty, Mistoffelees nodded his head. “It’s alright,” he managed._

_Looking at him worriedly for just another second, Munkustrap then whipped his head over to where a wide eyed Mungojerrie was still standing._

_“What happened?” he demanded forcefully. Mistoffelees couldn’t help but be a little surprised (and a little scared) at the intensity of the protector’s voice._

_“I don’ know!” Mistoffelees heard Jerrie cry, his own voice shaking with a slight trace of fear, “ee was like tha’ when ah found ‘im!”_

_“Jerrie.” Munkustrap spoke softer now, a little more controlled “Go get Jenny.”_

_“Was al’eady on it boss!” With that, Mistoffelees heard the faint patter of footsteps grow softer and softer until he couldn’t hear them at all._

_All too suddenly, the magical cat was aware of how tired he was. His body… wasn’t hurting anymore, not really. He could still somewhat feel the faint ache of his leg and the slightly uncomfortable pressure on top of it, but it didn’t bother him that much anymore. Despite being somewhat numb, he felt warm._

_This… this wasn’t that bad…_

**_“No!”_ **

****

_Maybe…_

**_“Don… this! Ju.. ha…g on!”_ **

****

_A small nap…_

**_“Munk…? Wha… oing on?_ **

****

_Wouldn’t…_

**_“…bleeding! Ca… stop it!”_ **

****

_Be…_

_“ **Misto? …ease...ake up.”**_

_So…_

_“ **Misto-! Please…… do this to me…”**_

_bad…_

_“ **MISTOFFELEES!!!”**_

****

_Blue eyes snapped open as a new but still very familiar face stared down at him in pure fear._

_Immediately, the magical cat was aware of new slightly larger paws gripping onto his shoulders in a tight, borderline painful, but still somewhat tender grip._

_Looking up, Mistoffelees couldn’t help but feel another faint wave of surprise as he looked up at the cat in front of him._

_Of course the Rum Tum Tugger would see the him in this state. He already had a knack for showing up when you didn’t expect it. Briefly, Mistoffelees wondered how long he had been there._

_That wasn’t the most surprising part though._

_The most surprising part was that the Maine Coon looked so… scared. Terrified even. It was an odd look for Tugger, one Mistoffelees had never seen. At least not like this._

_It didn’t suit him. The Rum Tum Tugger wasn’t supposed to look this scared, this… desperate. It didn’t fit him or his personality at all. Mistoffelees didn’t like him like this. He preferred… he preferred to see him smile. He **wanted** to see him smile, to show Mistoffelees that carefree and cheeky smirk the older cats often rolled their eyes at. _

_Huh… there’s something Mistoffelees had never thought before._

_It was around then when Mistoffelees realized that Tugger was speaking to him in a hushed, quivering voice, his tone laced with… something. The magical cat didn’t know exactly what, but it was almost… comforting (?) in a sense._

_“There you go.” Tugger said, his paws shaking as they continued to grip onto Mistoffelees shoulders “Keep your eyes open. Jenny should be here soon.”_

_Jenny… yes… that’s right. Mistoffelees had been trying to get to her before…_

_Before…._

_“No!” His body was yanked into a rough shake as his vision suddenly came back to him. “Eyes open!” A terror-tinged voice snapped, “Yes, that’s it… eyes on me. Come now Misto… you can do it. Just keep your eyes on me.”._

_As Mistoffelees looked up at his friend’s face, he couldn’t help but feel a ripple of sadness overcome his otherwise numb body as he watched Tugger look behind himself to yell out something about where Jenny was._

_Then just as quickly as it happened, the Maine Coon turned his attention back to Mistoffelees, his voice softening immediately._

_“Come on,” Tugger’s voice sounded strained as he forcibly lighted it. “I can’t be that terrible to look at, can I?” A weak attempt to alleviate the mood._

_Regardless, Misto still felt a small smile appear on his face. Across him, Tugger’s eyes widened for a second before his shoulders vaguely but visibly relaxed._

_“I hope that’s an agreement.” The Maine Coon said, still obviously scared but at the same time clearly trying to hide it._

_And oh, Mistoffelees hated seeing him like this, especially if_ **he** _was the reason for it._

_Still looking straight at his friend, Mistoffelees managed to lift his paw and place it on top on Tuggers._

_The older tom didn’t acknowledge it. Didn’t even seem to notice._

_“Yeah. That’s it,” he continued to softly say “just keep your eyes open.” A weak smile, “they always were quite beautiful.”_

****

**_…Seriously?_ **

_Had Mistoffelees had the strength, he probably would have given a huff of laughter and rolled his eyes at the unbearably corny line._

_It must have shown on his face or something, because the smile on Tugger’s face had grown just a little more genuine and his golden eyes sparkled in familiar way that caused a new warmth in Mistoffelees’s chest to emerge._

_Huh._

_“Hey don’t look at me like that.” Tugger said, his untouched paw lightly swatting Mistoffelees’s cheek playfully, “it’s true.”_

_The funny thing was, for some reason, Mistoffelees actually believed him. Staring at his friend’s face, Mistoffelees hoped he was smiling as he looked up at him with unbelievable fondness._

_Everlasting, he loved him._

_He was content to see Tugger smile like that, and he faintly wished he could tighten his hold over the other tom’s paw._

_It was…really nice to see Tugger happy. Even if it was just a little._

_It was…_

_much nicer… than he…_

_…originally… thought._

**_“-offelees? Misto? MISTO!”_ ** _his body lurched into another harsh shake._

****

_With a gasp, the Tuxedo’s eyes snapped open._

_Everlasting Cat… he hadn’t even realized they had closed._

_Any traces of lightheartedness Tugger may have shown a few seconds ago were now completely gone as the Maine Coon sat rigidly across from Mistoffelees, his paw now grasping the one the Tuxedo had been holding while the other one still tightly gripped his shoulder._

_Upon seeing his eyes open, Tugger let out the smallest hint of a relieved sigh and his grip on the smaller cat loosened ever so slightly._

_“Dammit,” Mistoffelees heard Munkustrap whisper. “Where is Jenny?!”_

_“Okay… Misto, you have to stay awake.” Tugger’s voice brought the younger cat’s attention back, underline panic soaking every word “Just another minute alright? Just hold on. Yeah, there you go, look at me. Can you breathe? Yes, that’s it… In…. and out… just like that._

_Please… please stay with me.”_

**_Stay?_ ** _Misto wondered, why would Tugger ask…? Oh._

_Oh. That was what was going on. That’s why Tugger was so upset, why Munkustrap had been so frantic._

_“You can’t leave.” Tugger continued, his voice cracking, “Look, I… I couldn’t… you just can’t alright? One more minute. And then… it’s all going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. Just a little longer. And then everything will be fine. We’ll practice your magic. Well technically you’ll practice your magic and I’ll cheer you on. And-”_

_He continued speaking about assumably similar things, but Mistoffelees didn’t hear them. He was too focused on the shaking paws that still gripped onto his shoulders and the clear desperation that laced every word._

_Tugger knew, he realized, but he was still hoping for something else. Possibly anything else. That revelation hurt Mistoffelees more than he would have thought._

_Mistoffelees was no stranger to limited time. Between the Jellicle ball and the rehearsal for “The Awe-ful Battle of the Pekes and Pollicles”, one could even say he was familiar with it._

_But now, now was the first time he had actually felt it. Felt every second of time just pass him by, each one leaving far too fast. He didn’t have the luxury of preparing and practicing for what was to come this time._

_And this scared him. Because above all, he wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to leave. Not yet._

_What about the Junkyard? He needed to say goodbye! What about Victoria? This was going to crush her! Panic steadily started climbing in his chest as he got dizzier. Oh Everlasting, it was happening so fast-! he couldn’t-!_

_“…mething’s wrong. …e’s bleeding fas-er now-!” A panicked, urgent voice cried out.  
  
Tugger gave an alarmed shout, and Mistoffelees was suddenly faced back with equally terrified golden eyes._

_And then suddenly, for whatever reason…_

_Just like that…_

_Mistoffelees wasn’t so afraid anymore._

_Why? He didn’t know. He probably never would. Save for the receding panic, his body was almost completely numb now and his head was exceedingly hazy. He could barely feel Tugger’s paw grasping onto his own as his little remaining energy gradually left him._

_He was… fading. There was no other way he could think to describe it._

_He should have been terrified._

_But… he wasn’t. Not anymore. At least not like how he was before._

_Slowly, Mistoffelees roamed his eyes all over the Junkyard, trying to commit every detail to his memory._

_Briefly, he wondered if he would still have them when the time was up._  
  


_Finally, his eyes came back to the cat in front of him, whose talking had devolved into ineligible muttering. Or perhaps Mistoffelees’ foggy mind just couldn’t comprehend what the other tom was saying anymore._

_One thing was for certain, however; he couldn’t just leave his friend like this._

_So using every last bit of willpower he still had, the young tuxedo cat pushed himself off against the pile of junk, against Tugger’s shaking paws (which had luckily eased their grip on him just enough for Mistoffelees to successfully push against), and felt his body gravitate right towards the other cat in front of him._

_With a small burst of satisfaction, Mistoffelees hit his goal as his face landed right into Tuggers fluffy mane. It didn’t last long however, because as soon as he made contact, Mistoffelees felt the other tom take a sharp gasp and stiffen against him like a wooden board as his paws fell from his shoulders._

_Suddenly, everything was quiet, the only sound being the lightly moaning wind in the far background._

_Frowning slightly, the tuxedo cat started slowly rubbing his face against the soft mane. It was nicer than Mistoffelees would have thought. Distantly, Mistoffelees felt his paws rest against Tugger’s larger frame, weakly pulling him in._

_Was it odd that he felt comfort in doing so?_

_Eventually, Tuggers arms moved limply back around his body, his light grip a stark contrast to what it was mere moments ago._

_Sighing softly, Mistoffelees continued rubbing his cheek against the soft fur, closing his eyes as he absorbed the comfort he felt in this small moment._

_It was funny really. Despite what Mistoffelees said and did sometimes, he truly did care about the Maine Coon. He loved him, that terrible bore._

_Mistoffelees just hoped he knew that._

_Suddenly, he felt Tugger shift so Mistoffelees was in a more comfortable position as the larger tom tightened his grip. Tugger then proceeded to bury his face in the crook of his neck, emitting a shallow gasp from the magical cat._

_“Yeah…” Tugger whispered, his voice softly echoing through the darkness “I know. I know.”_

_He… did?_

_Relief spreading throughout his otherwise numb chest, Mistoffelees felt his lips turn up in a small smile as he welcomed the warmth Tuggers body provided._

_This… this was nice._

_He liked this._

Mistoffelees gasps as he stumbles back. Unable to regain his balance, he crashes down on his back.

He doesn’t feel any pain. Not physical anyway.

But how? If what happened truly happened, then he should be… gone. How can he be right here? He couldn’t be. So, he surely can’t be gone.

…Right?

Well, this _would_ explain how nobody was acknowledging him earlier. But then, if he’s… gone, why is he here? Is there a reason to stay?

“You need to say goodbye.”

Mistoffelees is up like a shot, quickly turning around before letting a sigh of relief at the cat, well, _cats_ standing before him.

Only to stiffen up again upon remembering his situation.

However, neither Coricopat or Tantomile looked down on him, rather focusing their eyes towards the far distance.

“We know you’re here” Tantomile says, keeping her eyes unwaveringly forward.

“It’s time to say goodbye now Misto.” Coricopat continues, his expression matching his sister’s. “You best do it quickly, you’re bound to be off soon.”

Perhaps it’s a bit immature, a bit naïve, but Mistoffelees can’t help but look at them with some hurt.

As if sensing his distress, Tantomile speaks up again. “Saying goodbye will give you peace” she says softly, “What… what happened,” for the first time since Misto’s known her, her voice is filled with regret and dejection, “shouldn’t have happened. And we’re…” she falters “we’re sorry.”

Coricopat, looking equally sorrowful, continues. “But what’s done is done. And we can’t change that. It will take a long time for the Jellicles to move past this, but most of the tribe has accepted the truth. Now it’s your turn.”

But what if he didn’t want to?

“We know it’s hard. But whether you accept it or not, you don’t have a lot of time left in this world.” Tantomile says softly. “At the very least, you can make this time mean something. Just like how you did when you” her throat constricts for a second, “lived.”

Mistoffelees can’t help but stare at them. Suddenly, the pull from the back of his head makes sense. They’re right, he knows.

But another part of him, a more selfish and immature part of him that he tries to push down, nags him on. He doesn’t want to say goodbye. He shouldn’t have to! He did everything right, he helped out with the Jellicle Ball, he kitten-sat the kittens and entertained them with magic, he did his best to prove himself to the older cats!

So why in the name of the Everlasting Cat does he have to leave!?

And **YES** , he knows he’s acting and thinking like a kitten. He knows that the wise and mature thing to do would be to just accept his… circumstances and move on but he _can’t_. Not like this! Not when there were so many things he wanted to do, tricks he had wanted to learn, secrets about himself that he had wanted to know.

It just… -he internally huffs at the childish thought-… it’s not _fair!_

Mr. Mistoffelees, though his entire life rarely ever did anything wrong. He had learned, studied, had good manners, and was always kept a fairly level head. But now… now he just wants to just set lighting to something and watch it burn.

“We should go.” Coricopat says quietly to Tantomile. Mistoffelees head snaps up at the pair. The queen nods solemnly.

“I agree.”

Slowly, they both make their way forward, past Mistoffelees.

He simply watches them leave.

To his surprise, for a brief moment Tantomile stops and turns her head back.

“For what it’s worth.” She says softly, a sad smile gracing her face. “You’re very missed. You always will be.” With that she turns back around and continues walking.

“Farewell Misto.”

And Mistoffelees can do nothing more but watch them as they steadily move out of sight.

For a moment, Mistoffelees just sits there. Not really knowing what to do.

Well no, he does know what to do, he just really doesn’t want to. All sense of previous anger and frustration are gone now, leaving only a cold heavy numbness in his chest.

Nevertheless, he sighs and pushes himself up and slowly makes his way back to where he knows the other Jellicles are.

_“Hey Quaxo! Look at this!”_

_The young kitten can’t help but smile as a young Victoria executes an almost perfect pirouette. He’s proud of her, no doubt. But…_

_“Your landing is slightly off. Try looking at a specific spot in the Junkyard and keep your eyes on it as you turn.”_

_“Alright.” Looking straight at him, Victoria frowns in concentration as she takes off again, only looking away when she needs to turn her head._

_She does ten pirouettes before striking the perfect landing._

_For a moment, he can only stare at her in gaping awe._

_“Wow.”_

_“Right?”_

Mistoffelees gasps as the scene fades before him. Slowly turning his head, he sees two cats appear, both of them new, but still so familiar.

_“So… who are you?”_

_A young Quaxo turns to a much larger cat. He’s still a kitten no doubt, but he’s much bigger any Quaxo had ever seen before. Nevertheless, Quaxo stands straight, looking at the larger cat straight in the eyes._

_“I’m Quaxo. Who are you?”_

_For a brief moment, the larger cat seems surprised for some reason. He quickly shakes it off however and replaces it with a smirk._

_“I’m Rum Tum Tugger,” he answers coolly._

_‘Rum Tum Tugger’ Quaxo thinks, ‘now isn’t that a mouthful’._

_“So. Why haven’t I ever seen you before?” Rum Tum Tugger continues “ I mean, you’re small, but I still find it hard to believe I could have missed you. Who’re your parents? Are you new?”_

_Well. This cat is certainly a curious one. And a little insensitive if Quaxo is being completely honest. He knows he’s a little below average size, but that doesn’t mean he likes being called out on it!_

_“Yes.” Quaxo answers. “I’m new.”_

_“Huh. Well, that explains that” Rum Tum Tugger says, completely unaffected by Quaxo’s clipped tone. He looks down at Quaxo again, eyes trailing over the others body. Feeling a little self-conscious, Quaxo glares at the other cat, who doesn’t seem to notice despite his attention being on the same cat._

_“You’re so… small,” Rum Tum Tugger says thoughtfully._

_“So you’ve said.”_

_“I did didn’t I.”_

_“Yes. You did.”_

_“Well.” Rum Tum Tugger turns, “I suppose I should go.”_

_“Okay.”_

Mistoffelees can’t help but smile. He remembers that encounter. How unimpressed he-

_“Hello there,” a soft human voice calls out._

_Quaxo cowers behind a bush, trying to keep as far away from the human as possible._

_“It’s alright little one.” The voice continues to speak. “I won’t hurt you.”_

_To the human’s credit, their voice doesn’t sound dangerous, and this human certainly isn’t the biggest one Quaxo’s ever seen, but they’re still of moderate size._

_After a while, Quaxo hears the footsteps leave, only to come back a few minutes later with… something that smells delicious._

_“Here you go.” The human says, gently nudging the bowl closer to the bush._

_Quaxo has a good idea on what the human’s trying to do, and while he doesn’t want to go after the bait… it really does smell good. His stomach certainly thinks so as it rumbles in protest._

_Well… the human doesn’t_ look _like they’re out to hurt him._

_Suddenly, Quaxo is out of the bush and lapping up whatever food is in the bowl (which tastes as good as it smells)._

_“Couldn’t resist huh?” the human says, sounding fond._

_Quaxo doesn’t pay much attention to them though, preferring to eat up the last bit of food in the bowl. Satisfied and with a full stomach, Quaxo doesn’t rum or put up a fight when the human reaches out once again towards him._

_Hesitantly, the human makes contact with his head before lightly scratching him behind the ears. It actually feels pretty nice. Pressing his body closer to the hand, the human chuckles a little as they run their large hand across his back. As embarrassing as it is, Quaxo can’t help but purr a little._

_Sometime later, the human gets him into their den where they give him another bowl with a new, white substance. After a testing lick, Quaxo quickly decides it’s not dangerous and happily laps it up._

_“Now,” the human muses, “What should I call you? John? No. Tuxedo? Heavens no. Charlie?”_

_The human continues talking, saying a combination of strange words Quaxo mostly doesn’t recognize. Some sound like the names the Jellicles’ humans had given them but most of it just sounded like nonsense._

_Once he was full, Quaxo sat and stared up at the human, who was still saying strange words._

_“Mephistopheles?” Quaxo tilted his head. Now that was a strange word._

_“No.” the human shook their head, “Why on earth would I name-” they seemed to remember he was there was their eyes glanced over to him._

_“Did you like that?” they asked. Quaxo blinked in confusion._

_“Well, I suppose your ears could represent… hmm” the human looked up thoughtfully, “Well I very well couldn’t name you directly after a devil… Mephistopheles… Mistopheles… no, that sounds odd… Mist-o-ffe-lees. Mistoffelees. Mr. Mistoffelees.”_

_Quaxo tilts his head again, walking towards them hoping they would pet him again._

_“Yeah… I like it too.” The human strokes his head “Come on Misto, let’s get you cleaned up.”_

Suddenly, Mistoffelees is back in the junkyard, the moon smiling mockingly above him. Sighing, and trying to keep his frustration to himself, Mistoffelees continues onwards, forcing his eyes to keep straight ahead.

_“Hello young one, what are you doing here?” Quaxo shivers in fear as a larger grey cat slowly approaches him. “It’s okay, no need to be scared. I just want to help.”_

_Quaxo lets him get a little closer, but hisses once he comes within swiping distance._

_“Alright, alright. Calm down, my name’s Munkustrap. I promise I only want to help you.” The grey cat, Munkustrap, holds up his paws to show his claws are still sheathed in._

_“It’s all going to be alright; I promise.”_

_-_

_“Misto dear, do you think you could help me out with these mice?” Jenny is looking at him, a fond but exasperated smile lining her face as she struggles with the mice. Of course, Mistoffelees can’t say no to that._

_-_

_“Ah Mistoffelees, would you like to hear the tales of my role as Firefrorfiddle?” Gus the Old Theater cat looks up at him with shining eyes, sparkling in excitement despite the cats old age._

_Smiling back, Mistoffelees sits in front of him with the other kittens as the old cat begins to speak_

_-_

_Mistoffelees frowns in curiosity as he approaches the strange old cat. She looks so sad and broken, his heart can’t help but feel some sympathy for her._

_Slowly, she reaches out to him, her eyes so, so gentle. Her paws barely graze the fur on his chin before he’s abruptly pulled away by Munkustrap._

_Soon, the message is clear. She’s not welcome here._

_-_

_Quaxo plays with an abandoned bottle cap. He’s having fun until he accidentally rolls it under something that Quaxo can’t quite reach under. He tries retrieving it for an hour until he finally gives up, and turns his back to where his cap is._

_Only to find it right behind him._

“Stop” Mistoffelees mutters, closing his eyes. It’s too much, he doesn’t… he can’t….

_Mistoffelees watches as Victoria hesitantly approaches Grizabella, the air in the Junkyard tense until the young white queen finally makes contact. Immediately, the old cats tense posture melts as an expression of pure happiness spreads across her features._

_The magical cat is next to greet her. Victoria gently hands Grizabella’s paws to him, and he can’t help but give her a smile, feeling her paws in his as he passes her on to the next cat._

“STOP!” Mistoffelees violently pulls his ears down, shutting his eyes as tightly as possible. He can’t breathe, the images are flashing across his eyes and disappearing and why won’t it _stop_ hedoesn’twanttoleave _andEverlastingcathe’snotreadyand-_

With a shout, Mistoffelees’ body lets out a wave of energy that reaches out towards the sky, causing a large lightning bolt to flash across the dark abyss. For a moment, all is white before it’s back to normal.

Luckily, nothing seems to be damaged.

_He… he hasn’t lost control like that in ages._

Emotionally drained, Mistoffelees stumbles to the ground, not even fighting the gravity pulling him down. Absentmindedly, he pulls his legs closer to his body as his stares out listlessly to the distance.

From the back of his head, he knows he’s wasting time. He should be getting up and be saying his goodbyes’ before it’s too late, but he can’t. He just… he can’t move. The pressure in his chest is heavy, full of emotions that he doesn’t know how to let out.

Letting out a shaky breath, Mistoffelees buries his face into his knees, trying to relieve some of the pressure.

He just… he doesn’t want to die.

“ _Oh well, I never, was there ever a cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees?”_ a familiar voice sings softly.

Caught off guard, Mistoffelees whips his head over to the voice.

To his immense shock, only a couple of meters away Tugger stands there, looking ahead with such a fond and tender expression that Mistoffelees can't help but feel just slightly lighter.

And then a small black Tuxedo cat proceeds to run past him and jump excitedly into Old Deuteronomy’s arms, eagerly nuzzling and licking him like an excitable kitten all while keeping a large smile on their face. Well… _his_ face.

Suddenly, everybody is there. All of them have their eyes on him as they look on at him with elated pride and amazement.

“ _Oh, well,”_ they sing, each and every one of them emitting a jocular energy that _Mistoffelees_ had put there, _“I never, was there ever a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees?”_

_“Oh! Well! I never, was there ever a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees?”_

To the side, Mistoffelees watches himself bring Cassandra back and they bow to Old Deuteronomy together. Grinning at them warmly, the Jellicle leader bows back to them in thanks.

“ _Oh! Well! I never, was there ever a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees?”_

They continue singing the line over and over, with Tugger pulling the harmony in a way that beautifully brings it all together.

Exhilarated and proud of himself, Mistoffelees laughs as he watches himself unable to help but show off a little more before he gives a presenting paw towards Tugger. The other cat only grins wider at him and gestures for him to come forward as all of the other Jellicles continue to delightfully look at them with pride, excitement, and… love.

(This would normally be the part where Tugger presents him again, this time louder and more thrilled than the first time, but that doesn’t happen.)

And then slowly, one by one, the Jellicles fade into the air, still looking at Mistoffelees with faces filled with warmth and pride before they’re all gone, save for Tugger who remains right below him at the bottom of the Junkpile.

Finally, Mistoffelees watches himself -still grinning cheerfully- bow down in his direction before disappearing as well, leaving Mistoffelees alone with Tugger’s form.

To his surprise however, the Maine Coon doesn’t vanish with the others.

Instead, Tugger turns to face him. Instantly, Mistoffelees catches notice of the sad smile that graces his usually carefree face.

Keeping eye contact, Tugger reaches a paw down to Mistoffelees, subtly tilting his head towards it. Hesitating for only a second, Mistoffelees takes it.

Immediately, Tugger's paw tightly grasps onto his own before Mistoffelees is slammed into a soft chest, emitting a small gasp of surprise. The hold on his paw is then quickly released in favor of two longer arms wrapping around his body.

Paralyzed by shock, Mistoffelees doesn’t return the gesture. After a few seconds or so, the larger cat lets go. Desolate golden eyes looking straight into wide blue, one of Tugger’s paws manage to snake its way up to the magical cat’s neck, cupping it in a gentle grip.

Mistoffelees feels his breath hitch when Tugger closes his eyes and gently presses his forehead against the smaller cat’s, causing the his eyes to widen.

A second later, Tugger’s form too starts to fade. The Maine Coon doesn’t seem to notice however, he simply continues to gently nuzzle to younger cat’s head.

_Wait_ he wants to say, _don’t go._ But his voice isn’t working, his mouth can’t even open nor make a sound as he simply watches his friend fade before him.

The last thing he sees, is a small, solemn smile on Tuggers face right before his friend vanishes completely into thin air.

And just like that, Mistoffelees is once again alone back in his small, isolated area in the Junkyard. Sighing, he looks up to the sky where he knows the Everlasting Cat is.

He gets it, he wants to say. He really does. He’s lived a good life; he’s loved and at the very least appreciated by his fellow Jellicles.

He remembers that at that last Jellicle ball, he had wanted so badly to prove himself to the older cats that he was old enough, mature enough to be considered an adult. He had wanted them to stop seeing him as a kitten, and to see him as the tom he was now. (Ironically, Tugger had been one -if not the only- cat older than him who seemed to see him as such)

He was so eager to please, and while the other Jellicles appreciated his help, they hadn’t quite seen him as what he was aiming for until Old Deuteronomy was catnapped. When he brought the Jellicle leader back (despite jumping into his arms in the midst of the excitement), he had finally been considered a real tom, the Jellicles had at last seen what he had become… and they had been proud. _He_ had been proud.

Mistoffelees still can recall how much he hoped for them to keep seeing his as such when it was over.

He knows that he’s acting irrationally, that he’s letting his own stubbornness and denial get in the way of what he has to do. He knows what needs to be done, he has ever since the encounter with Tantomile and Coricopat.

He still doesn’t want to go, but perhaps he should just accept things now. Be the cat he’s worked so hard for everyone to believe in.

At the end of the day… no matter how he feels, at the same time… he knows he’s dead.

He’s dead.

And there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Taking a shaky breath, Mistoffelees closes his eyes as he takes it all in.

He’s really… he’s really gone.

It’s best to accept it before he’s truly gone from this world.

Suddenly, large eyes snap open.

_Everlasting! What time is it?!_

Glancing up at the stars, Mistoffelees determines he has at most an hour and a half before the sun comes up.

Scrambling onto his feet, he makes his way back to where he knows the other Jellicles are.

He’s not running for long this time, but he doesn’t stop until he finally reaches his destination.

For a minute, he simply stands and takes in the scene where all the Jellicles excluding Tugger (who still stares listlessly out into the distance) are sleeping peacefully.

_Keep your head up now_ Mistoffelees thinks to himself. Holding his head up high, he takes a deep breath and makes his way to where the kittens are sleeping.

Hesitantly, he reaches a paw out to Jemima. Running his paw through the soft fur, an anxious purr rumbles through his chest. Trembling, he pulls himself closely to her in a tender embrace, nuzzling the fur on her neck.

Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t stir or even move. He doesn’t expect her to.

It still hurts though.

A shuddering breath later, Mistoffelees squeezes her one last time, embracing the softness of her fur.

A moment later, he lets her go and continues to move on to Electra.

One by one, Mistoffelees goes to each and every Jellicle. It isn’t easy. Not easy in the least.

After a while, he falls into a pattern of sorts. He embraces, nuzzles, and/or licks a cat before hesitantly releasing them and moving to the next one, making sure to keep his eyes steely forward.

He lingers on Jenny, Skimble, and Bustopher (who is surprisingly there!) but he somehow manages to force himself to keep with his pattern once he lets them go.

It’s not until he gets to Victoria and Munkustrap’s sleeping form where his resolve falters. At first, it isn’t difficult. He simply presses himself against them, licking Victoria’s face first before moving on to nuzzle Munkustrap’s neck. He should let go now. It’s not like he _can’t_.

Still, he stays with them longer than he had with the other cats. It’s nice in a way, to be near two of the cats he’s closest with.

Eventually, he manages to get up and casting one last look towards them, he leaves for the final two cats in the Junkyard.

_‘When was the last time he’s slept?’_ Mistoffelees wonders, making his way over to the Maine Coon and the sleeping kitten.

Gently, he kneels down to pet Etcetera on the head as he fondly licks her head. They’re not close, per say, and she is a little crazy with Tugger, but she’s also sweet and eager to please when she’s not fawning over her idol.

Finally, Mistoffelees comes face to face with Rum Tum Tugger.

He should just hug him, or nuzzle him, or do _something_ but none of that seems right _._ For the first time since he’s arrived in this particular area, Mistoffelees doesn’t know what to do.

For a minute, he just stares into those empty golden eyes. Briefly, his mind flashes back to the pure terror in them the last time he truly saw Tugger. His chest tightens at the memory.

At least then they had some kind of emotion. Some kind of hint that his friend was still very much present and full of life. Now there’s nothing.

It’s… heartbreaking.

Sighing sorrowfully, Mistoffelees pulls himself close to Tugger, wrapping his arms tightly around the larger frame as he buries his face into the fluffy mane.

“…I couldn’t keep my eyes open.” Mistoffelees eventually mutters, tilting his head towards Tugger’s ear “I’m sorry.”

Tugger doesn’t respond. Not like Mistoffelees expects him to.

“I… I don’t think I will be able to stay with you,” he whispers, feeling his chest clench at the words, “I hope you can forgive me.”

It’s probably silly, to be speaking to someone who doesn’t even know he’s there (and probably not there themselves), but nevertheless it’s still calming. Not that Mistoffelees would ever admit it out loud, but talking with Tugger always seems to have that effect.

Warily, he looks to the sky.

The sun is close to making its appearance. And he’s close to leaving for good. He can feel it as that light pull in the back of his head grows stronger with every passing second. It’s weightless, but Mistoffelees can still feel it’s force.

However unlike the last time, he doesn’t feel any intense panic or fear now. He’s nervous, but at the same time, he’s calm. It’s a strange feeling, but it’s not unwelcome.

He only has a few minutes left.

From the far corner of his eye, he sees Bombalurina tiredly make her way over to where they are sitting. She stumbles a little, -much to Mistoffelees’s soft surprise as since she’s normally so graceful- but manages to keep her balance as she continues to walk over.

Hesitantly, Mistoffelees pulls back as she advances closer, releasing his embrace but not completely breaking contact as he moves his paw on top of Tugger’s.

Taking a quick glance to the Maine Coon’s face, Mistoffelees watches Bomba sigh sympathetically before walking behind him and pulling him close to her chest.

_Take care of him, okay?_

Glancing back at his friend, Mistoffelees can’t help but feel a small wave of sorrow as Tugger remains unresponsive.

The sun is almost here.

In a trice, Mistoffelees’s body is moving without thought. Once again Mistoffelees pulls himself close to the other tom, taking his face into a firm but tender grip. Shutting his eyes, there’s only a second-long pause before Mistoffelees is pressing his forehead against the Maine Coon’s.

_Bye Tugger._

Around him, the air seems to warm comfortingly. Curious, he cracks his eyes open.

To his surprise, he sees a flicker of something flash in Tuggers eyes. It’s gone for a moment, but it comes back again as the larger cat gasps, golden eyes wide.

Almost unconsciously, the corners of Mistoffelees’s mouth turn up softly as blue eyes sparkle fondly.

_There you are._

**_oOo_ **

_The Rum Tum Tugger doesn’t care for a cuddle._

_He doesn’t have anything against it, he just doesn’t see the point. Cuddling for him is, to put it lightly, boring. It’s easy as that._

_Just like how the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees isn’t one to show affection._

_Except he did. In that moment, the magical cat had leaned over, his arms coming up in a weak embrace as he nuzzled his face tenderly in Tuggers main. He, in some way… cuddled with him._

_And Tugger hadn’t minded. In fact, had circumstances been different, he may have even… liked it._

_But still, the gesture was foreign to the Maine Coon and he could help but take a sharp inhale of air as his body automatically tensed up at the contact._

_It was… strange. Tugger wasn’t unfamiliar with physical contact. Far from it actually. But for all of his years of touching and being touched, it has never quite been like this. Or if it had, it hasn’t happened since he was a kitten._

_They stayed like that for some time. Not a long time mind you, more like a minute or so._

_Then suddenly, a small noise came from the magical cat. Whether he had said something, or simply let out a sound of pain, Tugger wasn’t sure. It had come too faint and sudden for the Maine Coon to catch._

_Regardless, that small voice had been able to snap Tugger out of his shock as he then realized that at some point his arms had halfheartedly wrapped around the smaller tom in a much too loose embrace._

_Quickly tightening his grip, Tugger brought Misto in closer, pressing his face into the crook of the other’s neck. Misto’s movements, which hadn’t quite yet stopped, had slowed down considerably._

_“Yeah.” Tugger had said, hearing his own voice uncharacteristically shake despite being a little muffled by the soft fur, “I know. I know.”_

_A few seconds later Misto released one last breath, and Tugger knew._

_Heart dropping, Tugger felt the tender movements cease to a stop as Misto’s embrace around him slowly slide down to his hips._

_The Maine Coon didn’t let go, however. Instead, he brought the tuxedo in even closer, holding him against his chest in a crushing hug. He just… he couldn’t bring himself to pull his friend away, despite knowing what was there._

_The Rum Tum Tugger doesn’t care for a cuddle._

_He doesn’t have anything against it, he just doesn’t see the appeal of holding or being held._

_So why… why can’t he let go?_

_At some point, Misto’s body is taken out of his embrace, leaving a numbing cold in Tugger’s chest._

_Through the chill, Tugger still catches sight of him as he rests into Munkustrap’s arms, cruelly looking as if he’s only asleep._

_The cold increases._

_Tugger doesn’t know how long he sits there, completely exposed to that cold. He never takes his mind off of it, not until the numbing chill spreads across his body and slowly torpefies his emotions._

_In a few moments’ time, he’s completely unfeeling to the world around him save for the still piercing cold that lies inside him. If the sun rises, the cold doesn’t let him feel it. All it does is consume him from the inside, unforgiving and harsh._

_But then… for a brief minute, there’s a sudden sense of warmth. The warmth is melancholic, but tender as it soaks through Tugger’s fur and melts the cold. It’s not there long, but it’s enough._ With a slight start, he gasps as he finally processes his new surroundings.

Blinking confusedly, he looks down to see Etcetera sleeping on his lap. Taking a quick sniff in the air, the scent of Bombalurina quickly fills his nose as the scarlet queen slackly hugs him from behind, her chest pressing against his neck.

When he looks a up, the dawn is breaking and for a second he swears he can see the air shimmer in a way that’s so faint but so familiar. It’s gone an instant later, but Tugger knows what he saw. One could believe it was a trick of the light, or an illusion created by his sleep deprived eyes.

But it’s not. Deep down, he knows it’s not.

_Hey there Misto,_ he smiles.

Feeling a wave of fatigue wash over him, Tugger leans his head back against Bomba’s chest, quickly falling asleep to the thought of a certain magical cat.

Meanwhile, the sun continues to rise.

**Author's Note:**

> So.. yeah. This took me around 2-3 months to write and I'm actually quite pleased with the results. It went through a lot of stages, but it made it through. Now, that being said, I am SO writing comedy after this long lengthy angsty fic. But it was good to get this out there.
> 
> Please comment and give Kudos! Constructive Criticism is always welcome :)
> 
> EXTRA INFO:  
> And just to get some things out of the way: I came up with this fic randomly and after giving it a lot of thought, it finally evolved into a full out story. Also, one thing I absolutely LOVE about CATS is how open to interpretation it is so I really wanted to incorporate that into this fic. But since something about Munk and Tugger has been revealed, I too will clear something out: during the first flashback, Munk had been busy on slowing the bleeding while Tugger had been focused on keeping Misto awake. I know Tugger is sometimes depicted as himbo-like sometimes, and as fun that is, I feel like he's completely capable of taking charge and/or responsibility when he wants to. It's just that most of the time, he REALLY doesn't want to. 
> 
> I also think it's best to take into account that in this fic I decided to challenge myself with the "cats can't cry" scenario. I wanted to see if I could depict all of those complicated emotions without tears.Make sure to tell me how you think I did :)


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